It's been a slow time here at TSS, and it's entirely my fault. It's a new thing to me, but productivity and creativity are at an all-time low in my life. Drive and ambition are nearly gone. Hell, it's not really a good idea for a journalist to admit that he's having to force himself to even type what he's typing at the moment - but even THAT is true.
Why? Well, one thing I CAN say is that I'm proud of being an underground artist/writer/creator, and always have been. That's the ONE thing positive I still feel in this exhausted state. So there's a relevance to that groundhog thing, afterall. Being forever underground. But there's a huge pain in the heart that comes with it - it's a nearly thankless task. In fact, a lot of times we are left feeling like those annoying kids that are like, "C'mon, hey...look at my drawing! Look! I made this!" rather than the person having to fend off fans and/or consumers like we once innocently dreamed we'd end up. We are the beggars, not the providers. And if not for the love of our passions; metal, horror, the written word, and the gamut of art in general, I know we'd certainly call it a day. At least most of us would, hearkening to the threat of the dictionary explanation of "insanity", and doing the sanest thing we can to fend off such a fate.
Anyway, as a musician, I AM recording. Slowly, and in awkward, drained intervals. And that's how I've been writing (as in - reviews and articles - here, for this 'zine), with the same passion, yet passion that has to be actively mustered.
I mentioned it's mainly my fault. This is 100% true. My chronic health ailments - both physical and mental - were made worse by desperately trying to ease them. I risk professionalism to admit something here (afterall, if I wanted suit and tie formality, I'd not have become METAL). For the first time after 5 years of sobriety, I binged on alcohol like the German my blood mainly consists of. As a person with a bum thinker...the backfire was devastating. I'm lucky I'm alive. And to prove I still live...I have new content for the public to view. And no, I'm not gonna beg so that some kind, motherly person will put my drawing on the refrigerator. You who are reading this editorial are here of your own free-will, and will partake as you please. And for being here despite "The Ed's" obvious inconsistencies and shortcomings...thank you.
Other than all that, I hope you still check in here from time to time. I also have an album underway, an amorphous, disjointed, nasty, moody, ear-grater of a tell-tale of my little relapse, simply under the "Lord Sar" monicker. Watch for that, as it'll be something of some sort of significance...even if just to look upon and proclaim, "Good Lord, he's a fucked up sonovabitch!"
Peace, Love, and METAL, everyone.