- The Myrkur Ordeal -
or
People So Metal They Bleed Mercury, But Still Dig "Hipster Metal" And Still Call "core kids" Wiggers And Thieves
oooooorrrr
The Idiot's Guide To The Difference Between Support And Robbery
[The following was meant to be a short commentary, an article surrounding a Facebook post, making a point on behalf of artistic and fantastic post-black and/or "hipster black" bands/artists like Myrkur and Deafheaven. It then grew, and grew, into a mammoth rant - a kinda sloppy article (for the sake of reading in the voice of a caffeinated and angry journalist...not a writer for Time Magazine, or the like). This ended up covering lots of ground, not just Myrkur. So, I accepted that I couldn't just make a small and clean "article" about one mere thing. So, I show my ass a whole lot more than I try to deliver nicely-wrapped facts in a nice and polite manner. And it grew. And I added, and added, added, added...]
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So, a lot of my metal brothers and sisters - like most of the world - have sadly disappointed me. If this were the 90s, this Myrkur girl woulda been embraced like Heidi aka Star Of Ash. But that's Ihsahn's wife. Guess that gave her points. Or Aghast, which was dubbed (if I recall correctly) "nightmarish and disturbing" as well as "ethereal". But neither were even really metal, but were always accepted and included in mostly metal conversation. Accepting things isn't too popular these days. We're in an age of voice-entitlement. When it's not even our voices being heard, but our monotone, reader-interpreted inflections of typed rants which are viewed by ourselves as the most important body of words in existence. Just like this one. Well, let me take that "we" shit back. I don't claim to be part of this "gotta trash shit on the internet all day to show I have views" crowd. You all - by now - know what I hate. Faggy trendboiz who don't even listen to metal hopping up on it's throne every chance they get to change the world-view of what it is. These unappreciative fucks are the problem. Metal is supposedly more accepted now because what everyone sees is this "Disney-metal" with neck tattoos and bling that's spoonfed to the masses. Us metalheads have said it before, and we'll say it again. It's not metal. I don't care how hard they growl or how "enormous" and "crushing" it supposedly sounds. The kind of things being called metal these days have the heart of pop-punk (metalcore) or very ghetto gangsta rap (deathcore). Most of these kids don't own one metal album! Hell, most of them don't even have a metal SONG on their iPods. As for the bands in those categories that DO enjoy metal (there's a small percentage, from my decades and more of social studying rock and its offshoots), well...your spawn and/or peers have ruined it ALL for us true-blue metalheads. Look, people...gonna say it in the first paragraph here, because it is not that hard. The pop scene and the rap scene have ALWAYS been separate from the rock/metal scene. So, peaceful transition isn't gonna be pleasant. Because we're not gonna let there be any transition. History and past-tense facts cannot change. If a metal or true-blue hardcore artist has made it into the annals of pop-history (say, Ozzy or Henry Rollins) through years of work and dedication - that's one thing. But this day and age..."The 20teens" as I call it...is so infuriating! Now, if you honestly wanna go partake of some pop or rap, by all means! You probably don't have tastes like me - but, alright. At least, to you, While My Daddy Surfs (I made that up) is not confused for being metal. You know the difference. And if you don't, read on and LEARN.
Metal has a certain feel and vibe. If it ain't there, it's a different thing entirely. And that's what it boils down to. HEART. If you've ever felt like you have no idea why people call Iron Maiden or Dio METAL...you might be a "core kid". And that goes for people above age 9. Older fans of heavy music hoppin' on and giving up (denouncing) history to get along with people decades younger deserve the inferiority of being called a "core kid" when the word METAL is in the equation. Now, trying to understand (though I don't, and have tried, and don't want to) them and get along is okay. But if you're my age, used to be metal, and now have basketball hoops in your earlobes...that's pretty fucking pitiful.
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While I'm on the subject of vibe, let me get a little melodramatic. It actually saddens me that the dark and fantastic feelings brought by heavy metal from it's hard rock-basis, and equally dark and fantastic feelings from integral gothic rock bands from their death rock-foundation, are being sacrificed these days for nothing but soulless viscera. It's like the difference between horror's classiest and most chilling movies like The Changeling...and one of the inferior Saw sequels. The heart, the soul, the supernatural...the larger than life AND INTO DEATH"S MYSTERIES kind of feeling does not exist in your average 20teens representative band. People my age will understand. But those are the ones that get chills when hearing Ozzy Osbourne's semi-unknown songs like "Waiting For Darkness" or "Bloodbath In Paradise". That was steeped in a VIBE we as fans couldn't conjure, but could just take in. Now, extreme metal's desire to go a bit further and try and embody the same horror by sound itself was a humble and exciting way to expand on the original metal idea that we worshiped by the fathers, even if some Gothic crept in - it was a brother-genre, with a few purists fighting otherwise. (I always said, at least death and black metal sound like the monsters and demons that classic metal bands sang about.) Fantasy is also in this batch of feelings, again - not associated with extreme music by today's typical, mall-dwelling, surface-skimming consumer. They'll never feel this. And it saddens me. There. That's my melodrama and sympathy. Back to my hot ranting.
If they'd stay on their side of things, call it what it is (modern post-hardcore, mallcore, pop-punk, etc., or even something like "urban alternative"), and not try and be cute by calling everything with a scream or a growl METAL (what the fuck are you trying to sound monstrous for, anyway? Aren't you singing about trendy, non-horror, non-dangerous, societal, pop-culture things? Why does that even make you for one second think, "I'll try and mimic a big, fiery demon with my voice" when you're singing about the mall and your boyfriends? Because when metal went there, darkness is where it came from. Big, dangerous animals and fictional monsters growl. You should be squeaking!)...if they'd stay on their side...expressing their own nuances, not USING the near-geriatric delusional thought that loud= metal, and not act like the theatrical and fantastic elements of heavy music being TAKEN OUT is a sort of FIX...then we metalheads might have been more peaceful about the existence of this crap. METAL is the side of either darkness, war history, or very dangerous societal monstrosities like psychos and people that will rip you in actual pieces. Sometimes heroes exact bloody revenge. But still... If we ain't really killing each other, we're telling the story of it. It's cemeteries, bloody battlefields, haunted houses too infested to get a reality TV show to step foot near, ...it's cannibalism. Child murder. Sick taboos. Beheadings and mad Counts putting the heads on a steaks. That's why we evolved the shout into a growl or shriek. We're telling the stories as if they're possessing us. As a matter of fact, they HAVE possessed some of us. (Whether the darkness is REAL or TOLD is irrelevant to this writer. For instance, Satanism was in rock-based music before anyone ever even dreamed of black metal. Ask Coven. And they sound like Jefferson Airplane. And some of your metal gods aren't really Satan-worshipers. Sorry.) Some of us are beyond religion and still into the music, finding Satanists who pick through evil music with a comb as silly as many people think Christian black metal is. But that's a side-note.
I'm getting off on so many side-notes. It's easy to do here. So, back to the core-kids. So, these snot-nosed fucking wannabe street rats that are gonna be picked up at the mall at 8pm in a gas-guzzling suburban by some sad, internalized wreck of a smiling, soccer-coach/mom, aren't even doing "core" right. And it reeks of the bling-bragging arrogance of the most hatred-worthy gangsta rap out there. I know it's not even close in vibe or integral spirit to metal. But it doesn't even sound close to hardcore, either! I know and appreciate enough good hardcore to know that. I know punk and hardcore has a little "street" danger, but not in the way of emoting an aura of a completely different culture or...well...opposing SIDE of things. The rock and fuckin' roll is gone. And punk is a raw form of rock, just like metal is an intensified form of the same...hardcore coming from punk. And it has none, neither in influence or in spirit. Most of it goes RIGHT ALONG with commercialism and mainstream! How fucking "punk" is that?! I would love to see what some curb-stomping hardcore punk bruisers would do to these arrogant 20teens posterboys running around claiming the word "hardcore"...or even half of it, the hated lone-suffix..."core". But, I'll leave that to some true-blue hardcore fan in an Agnostic Front shirt and his buddies to take care of.
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On to the subject, which will shortly be me just copy/pasting a rant I felt compelled to throw out there. It was when I saw a bashfest Youtube video of the ill-conceived "the future of black metal" statement being attached to Myrkur as they followed her around doing girly things. So. Fucking. What?! She's a woman. I've gone shopping with every one of my exes. It felt like my balls were shrinking every time (until we hit the record shop)...but they grew back.
What you are wondering is , "How can you be like that about core kids...but you don't hate Myrkur or Deafheaven?" Well, people, you are way, WAY, too into this lifestyle/fashion/lyrical-theology part of it all, and in all the wrong ways. Metal DOES have a lot of "don'ts", but everything has exceptions. (I don't think I've ever fully forgiven Tim Owens for his love of ballcaps. But I put it in the back of my mind and let him scream that awesome scream.) Its "dos" are by choice. I saw root-genres be born before there was 3000 sub-genres. When I started listening to music, growling was pretty much unheard of in a musical context. Like it or not, this riled-up writer owns a piece of the stock you all are abusing. And I don't mean just the urbanite mallrats. (Yes. You too, Mr./Ms. "Portal can wipe up the floor with Incantation, and Blind Guardian does fantasy better than Dio ever did" or whatever family-betraying crap you spew.) I also have beef with metalheads that go too far with overblown representation. Also, to you negatively picky, extreme-metal-only supposed "metalheads" - I'm sorry, but I lose respect for you with every little "The vocals bug me" that you say about the forefathers of metal. If you "can't handle" the classics, the ones that gave you life...if more old-fashioned heavy metal is "just not your thing", you are not as pure of a metalhead as you would like to claim. And what is fucking WITH you people loving one band, and hating the other in the SAME sub-genre? Just ...man...get what you DO like on mp3 (or whatever you do) and shut the fuck up. You forget that we are just fighting commercialism of extreme metal and hardcore. Now, the classics like Sabbath and Maiden are just on the level of the mainstream because they are legends that the general public can no longer shun. Be on the same team, for fuck's sake. I don't CARE if you love Horna but hate Burzum...or whatever hangup you have. You metalheads that play ball-team bingo with same-ish bands; Stop it. Just. S.T.O.P. Taake and Behexen aren't that different. Get your panties in a wad if you want. It's not gonna change reality.
Whew! Man...I went off again. Okay, so how is it different? Well, remember what I said. Darkness. We were either DOING it or WRITING about it. Well, authors are oftentimes just as important as the history it tells. They are often just as important - if not more - than the fantasy realm you dwell, the horrorland you visit. I have a confession. I don't kill people. The blood in my photos is fake. Except for that time at the Watain show when Erik smeared rotten blood on my wife and I's faces (true story!)...Anyway. I haven't burnt a church. Well...I might have got drunk and broke into and trashed one once...Dammit. Okay, here's what I really am. I'm just an injured, weak, disabled musician that has to record in short intervals so I don't overdo it. I sit and write reviews and religiously listen to metal and non-commercial music, trying not to bob my head (that sits on a damaged neck) too hard. Why? Because "I Crippled Myself For METAL". That's the name of a formerly active Facebook page I titled about how, no matter my health, I stayed true to metal, even if it was headbanging and moshpitting that helped my injured self become disabled. I didn't give up metal like I did alcohol. I didn't give up metal like I gave up drugs, reckless-driving, brawling...I gave those parts of the lifestyle up. I'm a homebody fuddy-duddy that doesn't live dangerously. I CAN'T live dangerously anymore. It's to the point that merely getting up in the morning is dangerous to my life now. So, I write metal. And I (barely) perform it a bit here and there. I write ABOUT it, too. METAL is fantasy as well as reality. All enthusiastic FANS of it are free to use it. As long as they know what it is. I say so. I own part of the stock. (What's your story?) But - if you feel that Judas Priest is "old dad rock", then go back to the mall, kid.
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But back to the metal in question. Specifically black metal created by writers instead of convicts. Like it or not, given the blindfold and headphones test, a lot of you would be surprised who's playing what and what some of them look like (or what was being said in the lyrics). But, I don't care what the smart[ish], poetic-minded "hipsters" wear, and it does even make me cringe sometimes. It's true. Some great musicians have some bad fashion. Whatever. But they are metal fans, and even though they are fans of things in a more technical way, from their intellectual perspective - a lot of times they DO own that Emperor album, that Mayhem vinyl, that Beherit cassette. The alternative and metal blend isn't as jarring as our former/current enemies: the sporty, the jocky, the rich-kiddy, the g-dawgs...and now those enemies are saying straight-up that they just plain ARE metal. We want commercialism out of extreme metal and hardcore. It's such a paradoxical thing that gangsta rap and pop-punk are commercial. Think about it. And those vibes make up most of the bodies of the material the mainstream knows as "metal". People kinda always confused hardcore and metal in the 80s and 90s. And it did cross-over (see that very genre), but it was because of that subculture family goodness in our badness. We all took our time forgiving nu-metal, but some of us did once we understood how they never tried to usurp anything, mostly still falling into the "alternative" category where it belongs. Some of us never did. But it took over 20 years to get to the bit of peace we're at with that. That's another story, and another article perhaps. But the feeling of family IN legit metal, from it's rock-based roots to it's most extreme sub-genres...That's kaput, now.
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Nerds and geeks aren't so bad. A lot of them just like newer Ihsahn material and like prog. That's metal enough for me. You guys ever talk to my spike-wearing, blood-drippin', corpsepainted ass? I come off nerdy about my obsession. I come off nerdier in conversation than some of the scarf-wearing, bearded, thick-rimmed shmucks that aren't completely metal, yet use some metal in their mix...and I've heard death, black, gothic metal, FUCK - a lot of different elements - in these bands that look like they exclusively shop at Goodwill. The alt-scene, like original punk, also like original hardcore, is (was) brotherly/sisterly, welcoming to others in the subculture. And these people might smell, but they don't REEK of metal's antithesis...which is jock/street/stickered-ballcaps/frisbee-lobes/ghetto-skankiness/commercial-ass-licking. The people I have a problem with (mallcore kids) just plain don't like metal. They sure do love to use the word, though. And they would have picked on my longhair ass if it were 1994. And now...they claim they ARE metal. Then they mock Bruce Dickinson or other REAL metal icons. Bullshit. Hipsters or just plain dorks that still make metal didn't do all that. Me - I might have kept the metal clothes, but I'm as close to a nerd now as I am a "metal warrior". I even have a fanny-pack. (I actually wore one when they came out long ago, and was still metal then.) But that doesn't mean I ain't some kinda monument. I could talk for days and days upon years about my life with metal by my side. If you hate it - stay OUT. If you like it - come on in! Thick-rimmed glasses and all! Hah! Now I'm tempted to wear some to shed a few of my more "trve kvlt" fans. Y'know. Break their hearts a bit.
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Anyway, without further adieu - the comment I left on social media before SWIFTLY finding that being in a Metalgate Facebook group was a BAD fucking idea for me. There's people in there that haven't been ALIVE as long as I've been a metal fanatic. And they're telling ME what is and what isn't?! The comment was particularly about Myrkur, but covers lots of ground:
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"My 'krieg'-cred isn't going to be intimidated by an alternative musician CHICK being a CHICK. I'm no spring fucking chicken, and my METAL is all I have (literally - I'm a reclusive, agoraphobic, psychopath on a handful of meds so I don't slaughter a handful of people American Psycho-style)...and 34 years in and I've learned that metal, at it's best time period, was a family...with the punks and scummy alt-crowd, crossover thrashers and lazily-dressed death metal bruisers eventually getting over their differences and being said family. She is a GIRL. NOT, and I repeat NOOOT those fucking cuntbags in Pierce The Veil, Bring Me The Horizon, Asking Alexandria, (my stomach turns just listing these) who DARED to change the world-view of metal. Slipknot, too. Jocks like Corey Taylor covering Metal Church in his other band to a fan-base that thinks like 'Wow! He made that gay hair metal song brutal' (OOOOhhhh that makes me wanna use my axe to the most gruesome of its abilities...)
'What do you do?' a kid asks. I answer 'I play metal.' 'Oh, shit like Escape The Fate?', I get hatred in my eyes and reply, 'FUCK NO! Goddamn, look into what things really are before talking!', kid looks annoyed 'Oh, ok, you're into that really heavy stuff like Suicide Silence.' [*chokes back urge to disembowel the motherfucker right then and there*] <----THIS is the problem. Us fans...and even musicians that bleed, cry, and harm themselves for their ART (MYSELF) are not safe from misrepresentation. The problem with those post-fagcore bands is whatever METAL they are attempting to latch onto and steal from, unapologetically (with not ONE actual metal album on their shitty little ipods) not only draw influence only from their trendy peers, no history involved...but make FUN of metal as if it's the enemy. And THAT is why they are an atrocity that I will smash with a brick if I meet one that provokes me too far.
Dangerous and real - that was BLACK metal. That IS still black metal. So, the media saying that "the future of black metal" is pink album covers and sweet-smiling blondes might be incorrect - but it's swaying an easily mob-ish group of savages (US scumfuck, sick, moral-less psychos that love the reality of the insane. We love our GGs. We love our Euros and Deads) with a highschool-level edited video with such fucking OBVIOUS attempts to sway. SHE. IS. A. GIRL. Personally, I hate getting with those toughass, wannabe-men type chicks that wanna out-man even myself. And any of you straight enough to be in a relationship or two know what women are like. So this admittedly alternative/indie-rock girl LOVES good old atmospheric black metal, and drew some obvious influence with the blessing of GARM himself. God, if she were my woman, I'd be proud she listens to Ulver and old forefathers of the artsier side of it. But alas...we're - as a social media whose typed-words make us feel like journalistic scholars, entitled blurb-jabbers, not only overlook the sanction of a man like GARM, but these days even call The Emperor Himself (Ihsahn) a "hipster" for having a beard and preferring glasses over contacts. Some of you even forget the maelstrom brewing within the minds and souls of people like Attila Csihar, Necrobutcher, and Hellhammer (integral tag-team members of the true incarnation) by calling them "Gayhem" for drawing lots of ticket sales and not burning a church lately. Ever heard of self-preservation?
Anyway...I find it very funny, and a whole lot angering at the same time, that my brothers and sisters in this maniacal family of metal fanatics would choose to pick on a chick who admittedly loves metal and knows her history. Save the malice for Sleeping With Sirens for daring to EVER use the word "metal" when they are in a scene of people that laughingly throw sarcastic horns in the air and proclaim (in a cartoonishly Vince Neil-esque voice) "Holy Diviahhh!" like assholes, followed by a Mickey Mouse voice squeaking out "Grrraaandmmaaa!" and followed by a ruckus of laughter. And THEY use our word. Anybody here had a woman before? Had to help her decide on shoes or a blouse for an event? Went to Bath & Body Works with her? Well, that's what this video that attempts to sway everyone in the metal scene against Myrkur shows. A camera following a lovely woman, who happens to be an over-hyped artist by the media's words - not hers - just being a fucking chick. I'm fucking more metal than anyone I know within a 1000 mile radius, but I've done these things. We're always saying to accusers that we have no place in the world "Hey, we gotta live like normal people too." or "Fuck you. I'm the first to help an old lady up the stairs." But show some normalcy...and your condemned. It shames me that a large group can be so violently thrust into discomfort, even intimidation, by this lovely woman whom you'd listen to if given the chance to be on a date with her and she asked you to listen (given the media hype didn't exist). You'd sit in awe and go "Wow." We need to save our hate for those that don't even care about metal...(them) taking over the word, not picking on girls and intellectuals with more to do than pose with blood and corpsepaint like myself and others like me in here do. Deafheaven love metal. Lots of it. And like it or not, their alternative version of it has it in there. But, if you all are so worried...I doubt that people we don't like anyway think of this sweet blonde chick when the word "black metal" comes up. At worst, they'll bring up Abbath running around on icy mountaintops and appearing in cartoons and memes. We let fellow consumers, and glorified fellow consumers (press) sway us from thinking FOR OURSELVES. To me, it's MORE metal to - without fear - say "Wow, that's beautiful and reminds me of Ulver"...than all this shit I'm seeing...all this arrogant, fucking SHIT. We do it for Thulcandra regarding Dissection. Usurper regarding Celtic Frost. We (most of us) praise those bands happily. Keep some balls and quit fearing what will happen to YOU if you let yourself enjoy - or at least refrain from joining in on the bashing - these "hipsters" that are the recipients of shallow criticism. Excuse me. I have some faggot "core kids" throwing metal horns to go devour..."
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There you have it. And the funny thing is that it's not even CLOSE to my favorite form of metal. It's the principal of the matter. In my eyes you are less metal if a very feminine little artist makes you uncomfortable by her love for black metal, putting out an album that SHE never said was the epitome of the genre in the first place, and that resembles music much akin to new age folk, which many a metal fan loves, anyway. Ever listen to Loreena McKennitt? Shit's pretty fucking relaxing. Anyway, that the marketing attached to Myrkur falsely implies she's "the future of black metal" should not damn her to the same hells Pierce The Veil should be burning in. The damn corporate cashgrabbing media said that shit. Yes, yes...I know she isn't the best guitarist, and especially shouldn't post evidence as example videos. Some of the early example videos she's done do lack a bit. That doesn't help her case much, I know. But her final product came out to be a nature-y, atmos-black album that's listenable...even enjoyable. (Garm can do wonders.) Besides, the girl's voice works. As for the "uncools" within today's black-rooted subgenres; the difference in "hipster black metal" and the ghetto-street-rat FUCKS in the modern "core" or "mall-metal" scene is that one actually studies music like nerds (I know my long-haired ass loves it enough to be called a "nerd" for it), the others follow jockish-toughguy trends (that are somehow laced with faggy emo-glam tendencies at the same time, ironically).
But also, there 's the arrogance of a lot of younger metal fans claiming they are somehow above the people like me (mid-30s and older) in metal, even to the point of becoming enemies of the purveyors themselves, which makes us all look hypocritical. That's as bad as the core-kid crowd. These younger fools call it "hipster" from the short hair and the button-up shirts, when most of the time it's just very knowledgeable and supportive metal nerds merely lacking our fashion, the kind that spend tons of dough on deluxe vinyl editions of metal records, know almost as much, if not as much as WE do, and just happen to be into alternative rock and many other genres JUST LIKE A LOT OF US! These are not the same activist, laughably golf-clothes-clad, Apple-geeks that spend their days dissing everything from their favorite seat at Starbucks. It's OTHERS that have called them "hipster metal", and not for their beards or Goodwill attire. But, like me, they will attend a nice acoustic show over a cup of coffee here and there, enjoy poetry, and have the intelligence to read a book or two. Not all of us are Pantera-bruisers that think "if it ain't heavy it ain't shit!" or total "kvlt" wannabe murderers either. Just like Panopticon, who some "trve kvlt" black metallers pick on, some of us black metal musicians in the USA appreciate OUR folk. That has a lot to do with it. People are starting to confuse hipsters with those that use a little Americana. I AM from the US of A, and that can't change. If you tell me I can no longer make MY black metal because I ADORE Panopticon's "Kentucky" album, I'll give you a middle finger up your nose and into your brain until my fist comes out all soaked in blood and brains. USBM is NOT even close to the mainstream mallcore movement that buys so heavily into the sheepish and politically correct (but disguised as supposed rebellious kids...pfft) posterboi "scene". And their Republican dick parents fund their instruments, ohhhh so proudly (see more about this toward the end of this seizure of an article)!!! And if by now you think when I say "core kids" I'm talking about fans of Black Flag or even crust punk like Amebix, you're sorely mistaken. That shit's real and legit. And these fuckers don't know that stuff either, just like they don't know how to play past the 3rd fret of their guitars. The ones I hate don't support actual hardcore, just like they don't support actual metal.
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The mainstream media and consumers like to have a safer version of a scarier taboo so they can dip half a big-toe into it without getting bit by an evil sea monster. This is traced back to corporations, to marketing, to greed, to CONTROL. "Hipsters", as you call the fans who just so happen to be able to play instruments, and happen to love extreme metal along with their Sufjan Stevens records (hey, he sings about serial killers, and is fine by me), are actually metal's "hipPIES" in this day and age. They aren't as interested as artists like myself who still wear the paint, spikes, and show off weapons in their photo shoots. I might do that for promo-shoots, but they don't. Again...so what? They just get up, have coffee, and record a ripping black or death metal track or two in their home studio, and focus on the music. They're more laid back than us militants, and I respect that. Lots of scenes have certain individuals that could be considered that scene's hipsters. But at least these minnows (like Myrkur, Deafheaven, Locrian, Barbelith, etc.) that are swimming around the big sea monster jolt up to the surface when you throw them some real metal. Because they love the stuff. They attend shows. They'll review it, too. And of all those reviews we've read and learned from all these years, even before this bearded day and age - a good portion of the ones writing would be someone the collective "True Metal" longhairs would call a "hipster" if their style, or lack thereof, were analyzed. If those oh-so-nerdy ones that so many learned from picked up an instrument, and god forbid RELEASED an album, they're sure to be cruelly scrutinized today. Well, not by myself. I'm not buying into the "I'm so desperate to stay relevant that I'm gonna rip on anyone that doesn't look like Gaahl" bullshit. I'm more confident than that.
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We all know who the real fucking cancers are, and they're wearing wife-beaters with oversized sports-shorts, covering classic metal songs with jock shouts, letting the "scene" think metal's getting "fixed" when it's just getting neutered...while these jockcore and emo-mall-"metal" fags not only don't like metal and don't support it, they diss it every chance they get like it's outdated "dad rock" (I've heard this many, many more times from these streetrat frisbee-eared cunts than I've EVER had an unpleasant metal convo with a Deafheaven fan - I promise!). This all boiled over big time when I saw how many idiots were sounding off on Stone Sour's cover of Metal Church's "The Dark", showing without a shadow of a doubt that this new scene is in fact a REAL problem, an illness on the whole of entertainment...A CANCER. Go ahead, find the Youtube video. You'll see how much kids and wannabe young adults respect the literal nuances of heavy music, metal in particular. THEY DON'T. This is classic history repeating itself. Only grunge didn't actively try and take the place of legitimate metal and pretend they were the evolved version. Glam was a bit of a misunderstanding for the general public, but they never tried to kick Maiden out of office. People knew that fluffy stuff was the mainstream silver-spoon version, and Metallica were still saviors at the time.
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I hate people thinking I'm a dickhead that will ONLY listen to old Mortuary Drape while calling Panopticon "pussy natureboy crap" just as much as I don't want people assuming I mean Asking Alexandria when I say the word "metal". THOSE kinds of metalheads REALLY get my goat (as it were) for making me out to be something I'm not when I own almost 3000 albums in various formats, 75% of them being honest-to-goodness metal. But my 25 years of service and primal dedication to barbaric shit like Beherit and Morbid Angel mean nothing to certain "entitled" metal jerks that might have been metalheads for half the lifespan I've been or LESS...all they gotta do is find out I love Locrian or Horseback. Well, fuck YOU. I'll have you know I was listening to Carcass before some of you were born. I found my home-genre (black metal) in my early teens, basically WHILE all the craziness in Norway was going down. I've spent an all night party as a VIP (because of my former band's status at the time) getting drunk with Incantation featuring Vincent Crowley (yes, REVEREND Vincent Crowley) and talking classic metal and theology till nearly dawn. Partied with Monstrosity 'till nearly sunrise 3 times (because , among other local greats, we opened for them, a got along with them). Shared the bill with Sweden's The Crown in the small bracket of time Tompa fuckin' LINDBERG was with them! Geez...That's just a fraction...and I sound like an arrogant fucking braggart right about now. And that usually annoys me when people do that. But it's to the point to where I want some of these goddamn CHILDREN to know their fucking place. And it's to the point where you gotta show yours. But it shouldn't have to be this way in our FAMILY!
Go ahead. Give some wigger-ass Attila bullshit a spin (the sorry excuse for a band, NOT the legendary genius of a Hungarian black metal vocalist known for fronting Norwegian black metal [un]gods, Mayhem), or some Chelsea Grin or Emmure hogwash that trashy wannabe wiggers - or even the trashier of the people whom said "wiggers" are emulating, themselves* (and please see post-article disclaimer before getting all PC Police on me for that last part) would love to bounce their cars up and down to. Then listen to any song by Agalloch, Panopticon, or A Pregnant Light and tell me what is passionate, otherworldly, artistic, and masterfully-composed in comparison. And that's coming from a guy who'd rather listen to Blasphemy than Agalloch. Once again - bands like the latter still live and breathe METAL, and like a lot of us with mature mindsets, just happen to have some outside influence. Metal's been doing it with classical for almost it's whole incarnation, and folk for not too much less. BUT....BBUUUUTTTT - those "core kid" THIEVES are KNOWN for throwing horns, calling themselves metal bigshots, and making FUN of classic metal at the same time by calling it "gay" (as if that's an insult in 2015?!), or trashing classic black metal by calling the artists "stupid panda bears", or saying death metal is weak because the growls aren't shouted hard enough (aka, not sounding like a pissed off gangsta rapper with constipation). Oh, and since I'm nearing conclusion here, there's more. Something I hinted at, but wanna say flat-out. And I won't elaborate, but plant the seed.
Ready? The problem is worse here in The US of A because there is a governmental link...it's just that the kids don't know it. I'm going to leave it vague for reasons I feel aren't so vague. So...There, I said it. "Whatshisname from that Shadowlit-somethin' webpage is a conspiracy theorist!" Okay. Fine. If that's what you wanna think. But look as deep as I have, write your 3000-word rant (this one's well over that) about how I'm completely wrong and get back to me.
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Do your part. Go buy the new Iron Maiden, the new Goat Torment or Adversarial, find a classic Satan or Cloven Hoof release, a vinyl reissue of your favorite 90s death metal band...maybe an old first-press of a Satyricon album, as well (if you have $100), AND THEN throw "M" or "New Bermuda" into the basket, too. I know the rebellious and undoubtedly METAL part of me that says to NOT GIVE A FUCK makes me wanna check out more stuff by bands that these poser "we're more krieg than you" 20-somethings would call "hipster metal", just so I can maybe become more of a fan, wear a shirt or two, and CRUSH those pricks if they oppose me for it... I DON'T NEED OR WANT THEIR APPROVAL. But I will NOT stand for being likened to a "core kid sympathizer" because I think picking on a lovely gal like Myrkur is wussily insecure and bullyish. Nor do I think it's a good idea to start bashing expansively gifted newer bands for having beards, since a lot of them might have as much - if not more - knowledge of our beloved genre as we do. So, support metal, smash those that don't support it yet sacrilegiously claim it...smash those fuckers like bugs. I'm just saying...quit being confined. That's not fucking metal AT. ALL. GOD. DAMMIT.
10/10/15
Tristus Scriptor
DISCLAIMER and post-edit:
*I don't condone racism, but despise the fools that help people FEEL or even BE racist by perpetuating the stereotypes of their race's worst citizens.
(Post Edit: I am also pro-LGBT, and use the word "fag" in the same insulting way that many gay friends I've had use it. That is, when they weren't using it as a term of endearment. And that is surprisingly often, I've noticed.)
And, furthermore, if you don't like my "blasphemy", goddammit...well...just fuck off.
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So, a lot of my metal brothers and sisters - like most of the world - have sadly disappointed me. If this were the 90s, this Myrkur girl woulda been embraced like Heidi aka Star Of Ash. But that's Ihsahn's wife. Guess that gave her points. Or Aghast, which was dubbed (if I recall correctly) "nightmarish and disturbing" as well as "ethereal". But neither were even really metal, but were always accepted and included in mostly metal conversation. Accepting things isn't too popular these days. We're in an age of voice-entitlement. When it's not even our voices being heard, but our monotone, reader-interpreted inflections of typed rants which are viewed by ourselves as the most important body of words in existence. Just like this one. Well, let me take that "we" shit back. I don't claim to be part of this "gotta trash shit on the internet all day to show I have views" crowd. You all - by now - know what I hate. Faggy trendboiz who don't even listen to metal hopping up on it's throne every chance they get to change the world-view of what it is. These unappreciative fucks are the problem. Metal is supposedly more accepted now because what everyone sees is this "Disney-metal" with neck tattoos and bling that's spoonfed to the masses. Us metalheads have said it before, and we'll say it again. It's not metal. I don't care how hard they growl or how "enormous" and "crushing" it supposedly sounds. The kind of things being called metal these days have the heart of pop-punk (metalcore) or very ghetto gangsta rap (deathcore). Most of these kids don't own one metal album! Hell, most of them don't even have a metal SONG on their iPods. As for the bands in those categories that DO enjoy metal (there's a small percentage, from my decades and more of social studying rock and its offshoots), well...your spawn and/or peers have ruined it ALL for us true-blue metalheads. Look, people...gonna say it in the first paragraph here, because it is not that hard. The pop scene and the rap scene have ALWAYS been separate from the rock/metal scene. So, peaceful transition isn't gonna be pleasant. Because we're not gonna let there be any transition. History and past-tense facts cannot change. If a metal or true-blue hardcore artist has made it into the annals of pop-history (say, Ozzy or Henry Rollins) through years of work and dedication - that's one thing. But this day and age..."The 20teens" as I call it...is so infuriating! Now, if you honestly wanna go partake of some pop or rap, by all means! You probably don't have tastes like me - but, alright. At least, to you, While My Daddy Surfs (I made that up) is not confused for being metal. You know the difference. And if you don't, read on and LEARN.
Metal has a certain feel and vibe. If it ain't there, it's a different thing entirely. And that's what it boils down to. HEART. If you've ever felt like you have no idea why people call Iron Maiden or Dio METAL...you might be a "core kid". And that goes for people above age 9. Older fans of heavy music hoppin' on and giving up (denouncing) history to get along with people decades younger deserve the inferiority of being called a "core kid" when the word METAL is in the equation. Now, trying to understand (though I don't, and have tried, and don't want to) them and get along is okay. But if you're my age, used to be metal, and now have basketball hoops in your earlobes...that's pretty fucking pitiful.
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While I'm on the subject of vibe, let me get a little melodramatic. It actually saddens me that the dark and fantastic feelings brought by heavy metal from it's hard rock-basis, and equally dark and fantastic feelings from integral gothic rock bands from their death rock-foundation, are being sacrificed these days for nothing but soulless viscera. It's like the difference between horror's classiest and most chilling movies like The Changeling...and one of the inferior Saw sequels. The heart, the soul, the supernatural...the larger than life AND INTO DEATH"S MYSTERIES kind of feeling does not exist in your average 20teens representative band. People my age will understand. But those are the ones that get chills when hearing Ozzy Osbourne's semi-unknown songs like "Waiting For Darkness" or "Bloodbath In Paradise". That was steeped in a VIBE we as fans couldn't conjure, but could just take in. Now, extreme metal's desire to go a bit further and try and embody the same horror by sound itself was a humble and exciting way to expand on the original metal idea that we worshiped by the fathers, even if some Gothic crept in - it was a brother-genre, with a few purists fighting otherwise. (I always said, at least death and black metal sound like the monsters and demons that classic metal bands sang about.) Fantasy is also in this batch of feelings, again - not associated with extreme music by today's typical, mall-dwelling, surface-skimming consumer. They'll never feel this. And it saddens me. There. That's my melodrama and sympathy. Back to my hot ranting.
If they'd stay on their side of things, call it what it is (modern post-hardcore, mallcore, pop-punk, etc., or even something like "urban alternative"), and not try and be cute by calling everything with a scream or a growl METAL (what the fuck are you trying to sound monstrous for, anyway? Aren't you singing about trendy, non-horror, non-dangerous, societal, pop-culture things? Why does that even make you for one second think, "I'll try and mimic a big, fiery demon with my voice" when you're singing about the mall and your boyfriends? Because when metal went there, darkness is where it came from. Big, dangerous animals and fictional monsters growl. You should be squeaking!)...if they'd stay on their side...expressing their own nuances, not USING the near-geriatric delusional thought that loud= metal, and not act like the theatrical and fantastic elements of heavy music being TAKEN OUT is a sort of FIX...then we metalheads might have been more peaceful about the existence of this crap. METAL is the side of either darkness, war history, or very dangerous societal monstrosities like psychos and people that will rip you in actual pieces. Sometimes heroes exact bloody revenge. But still... If we ain't really killing each other, we're telling the story of it. It's cemeteries, bloody battlefields, haunted houses too infested to get a reality TV show to step foot near, ...it's cannibalism. Child murder. Sick taboos. Beheadings and mad Counts putting the heads on a steaks. That's why we evolved the shout into a growl or shriek. We're telling the stories as if they're possessing us. As a matter of fact, they HAVE possessed some of us. (Whether the darkness is REAL or TOLD is irrelevant to this writer. For instance, Satanism was in rock-based music before anyone ever even dreamed of black metal. Ask Coven. And they sound like Jefferson Airplane. And some of your metal gods aren't really Satan-worshipers. Sorry.) Some of us are beyond religion and still into the music, finding Satanists who pick through evil music with a comb as silly as many people think Christian black metal is. But that's a side-note.
I'm getting off on so many side-notes. It's easy to do here. So, back to the core-kids. So, these snot-nosed fucking wannabe street rats that are gonna be picked up at the mall at 8pm in a gas-guzzling suburban by some sad, internalized wreck of a smiling, soccer-coach/mom, aren't even doing "core" right. And it reeks of the bling-bragging arrogance of the most hatred-worthy gangsta rap out there. I know it's not even close in vibe or integral spirit to metal. But it doesn't even sound close to hardcore, either! I know and appreciate enough good hardcore to know that. I know punk and hardcore has a little "street" danger, but not in the way of emoting an aura of a completely different culture or...well...opposing SIDE of things. The rock and fuckin' roll is gone. And punk is a raw form of rock, just like metal is an intensified form of the same...hardcore coming from punk. And it has none, neither in influence or in spirit. Most of it goes RIGHT ALONG with commercialism and mainstream! How fucking "punk" is that?! I would love to see what some curb-stomping hardcore punk bruisers would do to these arrogant 20teens posterboys running around claiming the word "hardcore"...or even half of it, the hated lone-suffix..."core". But, I'll leave that to some true-blue hardcore fan in an Agnostic Front shirt and his buddies to take care of.
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On to the subject, which will shortly be me just copy/pasting a rant I felt compelled to throw out there. It was when I saw a bashfest Youtube video of the ill-conceived "the future of black metal" statement being attached to Myrkur as they followed her around doing girly things. So. Fucking. What?! She's a woman. I've gone shopping with every one of my exes. It felt like my balls were shrinking every time (until we hit the record shop)...but they grew back.
What you are wondering is , "How can you be like that about core kids...but you don't hate Myrkur or Deafheaven?" Well, people, you are way, WAY, too into this lifestyle/fashion/lyrical-theology part of it all, and in all the wrong ways. Metal DOES have a lot of "don'ts", but everything has exceptions. (I don't think I've ever fully forgiven Tim Owens for his love of ballcaps. But I put it in the back of my mind and let him scream that awesome scream.) Its "dos" are by choice. I saw root-genres be born before there was 3000 sub-genres. When I started listening to music, growling was pretty much unheard of in a musical context. Like it or not, this riled-up writer owns a piece of the stock you all are abusing. And I don't mean just the urbanite mallrats. (Yes. You too, Mr./Ms. "Portal can wipe up the floor with Incantation, and Blind Guardian does fantasy better than Dio ever did" or whatever family-betraying crap you spew.) I also have beef with metalheads that go too far with overblown representation. Also, to you negatively picky, extreme-metal-only supposed "metalheads" - I'm sorry, but I lose respect for you with every little "The vocals bug me" that you say about the forefathers of metal. If you "can't handle" the classics, the ones that gave you life...if more old-fashioned heavy metal is "just not your thing", you are not as pure of a metalhead as you would like to claim. And what is fucking WITH you people loving one band, and hating the other in the SAME sub-genre? Just ...man...get what you DO like on mp3 (or whatever you do) and shut the fuck up. You forget that we are just fighting commercialism of extreme metal and hardcore. Now, the classics like Sabbath and Maiden are just on the level of the mainstream because they are legends that the general public can no longer shun. Be on the same team, for fuck's sake. I don't CARE if you love Horna but hate Burzum...or whatever hangup you have. You metalheads that play ball-team bingo with same-ish bands; Stop it. Just. S.T.O.P. Taake and Behexen aren't that different. Get your panties in a wad if you want. It's not gonna change reality.
Whew! Man...I went off again. Okay, so how is it different? Well, remember what I said. Darkness. We were either DOING it or WRITING about it. Well, authors are oftentimes just as important as the history it tells. They are often just as important - if not more - than the fantasy realm you dwell, the horrorland you visit. I have a confession. I don't kill people. The blood in my photos is fake. Except for that time at the Watain show when Erik smeared rotten blood on my wife and I's faces (true story!)...Anyway. I haven't burnt a church. Well...I might have got drunk and broke into and trashed one once...Dammit. Okay, here's what I really am. I'm just an injured, weak, disabled musician that has to record in short intervals so I don't overdo it. I sit and write reviews and religiously listen to metal and non-commercial music, trying not to bob my head (that sits on a damaged neck) too hard. Why? Because "I Crippled Myself For METAL". That's the name of a formerly active Facebook page I titled about how, no matter my health, I stayed true to metal, even if it was headbanging and moshpitting that helped my injured self become disabled. I didn't give up metal like I did alcohol. I didn't give up metal like I gave up drugs, reckless-driving, brawling...I gave those parts of the lifestyle up. I'm a homebody fuddy-duddy that doesn't live dangerously. I CAN'T live dangerously anymore. It's to the point that merely getting up in the morning is dangerous to my life now. So, I write metal. And I (barely) perform it a bit here and there. I write ABOUT it, too. METAL is fantasy as well as reality. All enthusiastic FANS of it are free to use it. As long as they know what it is. I say so. I own part of the stock. (What's your story?) But - if you feel that Judas Priest is "old dad rock", then go back to the mall, kid.
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But back to the metal in question. Specifically black metal created by writers instead of convicts. Like it or not, given the blindfold and headphones test, a lot of you would be surprised who's playing what and what some of them look like (or what was being said in the lyrics). But, I don't care what the smart[ish], poetic-minded "hipsters" wear, and it does even make me cringe sometimes. It's true. Some great musicians have some bad fashion. Whatever. But they are metal fans, and even though they are fans of things in a more technical way, from their intellectual perspective - a lot of times they DO own that Emperor album, that Mayhem vinyl, that Beherit cassette. The alternative and metal blend isn't as jarring as our former/current enemies: the sporty, the jocky, the rich-kiddy, the g-dawgs...and now those enemies are saying straight-up that they just plain ARE metal. We want commercialism out of extreme metal and hardcore. It's such a paradoxical thing that gangsta rap and pop-punk are commercial. Think about it. And those vibes make up most of the bodies of the material the mainstream knows as "metal". People kinda always confused hardcore and metal in the 80s and 90s. And it did cross-over (see that very genre), but it was because of that subculture family goodness in our badness. We all took our time forgiving nu-metal, but some of us did once we understood how they never tried to usurp anything, mostly still falling into the "alternative" category where it belongs. Some of us never did. But it took over 20 years to get to the bit of peace we're at with that. That's another story, and another article perhaps. But the feeling of family IN legit metal, from it's rock-based roots to it's most extreme sub-genres...That's kaput, now.
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Nerds and geeks aren't so bad. A lot of them just like newer Ihsahn material and like prog. That's metal enough for me. You guys ever talk to my spike-wearing, blood-drippin', corpsepainted ass? I come off nerdy about my obsession. I come off nerdier in conversation than some of the scarf-wearing, bearded, thick-rimmed shmucks that aren't completely metal, yet use some metal in their mix...and I've heard death, black, gothic metal, FUCK - a lot of different elements - in these bands that look like they exclusively shop at Goodwill. The alt-scene, like original punk, also like original hardcore, is (was) brotherly/sisterly, welcoming to others in the subculture. And these people might smell, but they don't REEK of metal's antithesis...which is jock/street/stickered-ballcaps/frisbee-lobes/ghetto-skankiness/commercial-ass-licking. The people I have a problem with (mallcore kids) just plain don't like metal. They sure do love to use the word, though. And they would have picked on my longhair ass if it were 1994. And now...they claim they ARE metal. Then they mock Bruce Dickinson or other REAL metal icons. Bullshit. Hipsters or just plain dorks that still make metal didn't do all that. Me - I might have kept the metal clothes, but I'm as close to a nerd now as I am a "metal warrior". I even have a fanny-pack. (I actually wore one when they came out long ago, and was still metal then.) But that doesn't mean I ain't some kinda monument. I could talk for days and days upon years about my life with metal by my side. If you hate it - stay OUT. If you like it - come on in! Thick-rimmed glasses and all! Hah! Now I'm tempted to wear some to shed a few of my more "trve kvlt" fans. Y'know. Break their hearts a bit.
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Anyway, without further adieu - the comment I left on social media before SWIFTLY finding that being in a Metalgate Facebook group was a BAD fucking idea for me. There's people in there that haven't been ALIVE as long as I've been a metal fanatic. And they're telling ME what is and what isn't?! The comment was particularly about Myrkur, but covers lots of ground:
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"My 'krieg'-cred isn't going to be intimidated by an alternative musician CHICK being a CHICK. I'm no spring fucking chicken, and my METAL is all I have (literally - I'm a reclusive, agoraphobic, psychopath on a handful of meds so I don't slaughter a handful of people American Psycho-style)...and 34 years in and I've learned that metal, at it's best time period, was a family...with the punks and scummy alt-crowd, crossover thrashers and lazily-dressed death metal bruisers eventually getting over their differences and being said family. She is a GIRL. NOT, and I repeat NOOOT those fucking cuntbags in Pierce The Veil, Bring Me The Horizon, Asking Alexandria, (my stomach turns just listing these) who DARED to change the world-view of metal. Slipknot, too. Jocks like Corey Taylor covering Metal Church in his other band to a fan-base that thinks like 'Wow! He made that gay hair metal song brutal' (OOOOhhhh that makes me wanna use my axe to the most gruesome of its abilities...)
'What do you do?' a kid asks. I answer 'I play metal.' 'Oh, shit like Escape The Fate?', I get hatred in my eyes and reply, 'FUCK NO! Goddamn, look into what things really are before talking!', kid looks annoyed 'Oh, ok, you're into that really heavy stuff like Suicide Silence.' [*chokes back urge to disembowel the motherfucker right then and there*] <----THIS is the problem. Us fans...and even musicians that bleed, cry, and harm themselves for their ART (MYSELF) are not safe from misrepresentation. The problem with those post-fagcore bands is whatever METAL they are attempting to latch onto and steal from, unapologetically (with not ONE actual metal album on their shitty little ipods) not only draw influence only from their trendy peers, no history involved...but make FUN of metal as if it's the enemy. And THAT is why they are an atrocity that I will smash with a brick if I meet one that provokes me too far.
Dangerous and real - that was BLACK metal. That IS still black metal. So, the media saying that "the future of black metal" is pink album covers and sweet-smiling blondes might be incorrect - but it's swaying an easily mob-ish group of savages (US scumfuck, sick, moral-less psychos that love the reality of the insane. We love our GGs. We love our Euros and Deads) with a highschool-level edited video with such fucking OBVIOUS attempts to sway. SHE. IS. A. GIRL. Personally, I hate getting with those toughass, wannabe-men type chicks that wanna out-man even myself. And any of you straight enough to be in a relationship or two know what women are like. So this admittedly alternative/indie-rock girl LOVES good old atmospheric black metal, and drew some obvious influence with the blessing of GARM himself. God, if she were my woman, I'd be proud she listens to Ulver and old forefathers of the artsier side of it. But alas...we're - as a social media whose typed-words make us feel like journalistic scholars, entitled blurb-jabbers, not only overlook the sanction of a man like GARM, but these days even call The Emperor Himself (Ihsahn) a "hipster" for having a beard and preferring glasses over contacts. Some of you even forget the maelstrom brewing within the minds and souls of people like Attila Csihar, Necrobutcher, and Hellhammer (integral tag-team members of the true incarnation) by calling them "Gayhem" for drawing lots of ticket sales and not burning a church lately. Ever heard of self-preservation?
Anyway...I find it very funny, and a whole lot angering at the same time, that my brothers and sisters in this maniacal family of metal fanatics would choose to pick on a chick who admittedly loves metal and knows her history. Save the malice for Sleeping With Sirens for daring to EVER use the word "metal" when they are in a scene of people that laughingly throw sarcastic horns in the air and proclaim (in a cartoonishly Vince Neil-esque voice) "Holy Diviahhh!" like assholes, followed by a Mickey Mouse voice squeaking out "Grrraaandmmaaa!" and followed by a ruckus of laughter. And THEY use our word. Anybody here had a woman before? Had to help her decide on shoes or a blouse for an event? Went to Bath & Body Works with her? Well, that's what this video that attempts to sway everyone in the metal scene against Myrkur shows. A camera following a lovely woman, who happens to be an over-hyped artist by the media's words - not hers - just being a fucking chick. I'm fucking more metal than anyone I know within a 1000 mile radius, but I've done these things. We're always saying to accusers that we have no place in the world "Hey, we gotta live like normal people too." or "Fuck you. I'm the first to help an old lady up the stairs." But show some normalcy...and your condemned. It shames me that a large group can be so violently thrust into discomfort, even intimidation, by this lovely woman whom you'd listen to if given the chance to be on a date with her and she asked you to listen (given the media hype didn't exist). You'd sit in awe and go "Wow." We need to save our hate for those that don't even care about metal...(them) taking over the word, not picking on girls and intellectuals with more to do than pose with blood and corpsepaint like myself and others like me in here do. Deafheaven love metal. Lots of it. And like it or not, their alternative version of it has it in there. But, if you all are so worried...I doubt that people we don't like anyway think of this sweet blonde chick when the word "black metal" comes up. At worst, they'll bring up Abbath running around on icy mountaintops and appearing in cartoons and memes. We let fellow consumers, and glorified fellow consumers (press) sway us from thinking FOR OURSELVES. To me, it's MORE metal to - without fear - say "Wow, that's beautiful and reminds me of Ulver"...than all this shit I'm seeing...all this arrogant, fucking SHIT. We do it for Thulcandra regarding Dissection. Usurper regarding Celtic Frost. We (most of us) praise those bands happily. Keep some balls and quit fearing what will happen to YOU if you let yourself enjoy - or at least refrain from joining in on the bashing - these "hipsters" that are the recipients of shallow criticism. Excuse me. I have some faggot "core kids" throwing metal horns to go devour..."
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There you have it. And the funny thing is that it's not even CLOSE to my favorite form of metal. It's the principal of the matter. In my eyes you are less metal if a very feminine little artist makes you uncomfortable by her love for black metal, putting out an album that SHE never said was the epitome of the genre in the first place, and that resembles music much akin to new age folk, which many a metal fan loves, anyway. Ever listen to Loreena McKennitt? Shit's pretty fucking relaxing. Anyway, that the marketing attached to Myrkur falsely implies she's "the future of black metal" should not damn her to the same hells Pierce The Veil should be burning in. The damn corporate cashgrabbing media said that shit. Yes, yes...I know she isn't the best guitarist, and especially shouldn't post evidence as example videos. Some of the early example videos she's done do lack a bit. That doesn't help her case much, I know. But her final product came out to be a nature-y, atmos-black album that's listenable...even enjoyable. (Garm can do wonders.) Besides, the girl's voice works. As for the "uncools" within today's black-rooted subgenres; the difference in "hipster black metal" and the ghetto-street-rat FUCKS in the modern "core" or "mall-metal" scene is that one actually studies music like nerds (I know my long-haired ass loves it enough to be called a "nerd" for it), the others follow jockish-toughguy trends (that are somehow laced with faggy emo-glam tendencies at the same time, ironically).
But also, there 's the arrogance of a lot of younger metal fans claiming they are somehow above the people like me (mid-30s and older) in metal, even to the point of becoming enemies of the purveyors themselves, which makes us all look hypocritical. That's as bad as the core-kid crowd. These younger fools call it "hipster" from the short hair and the button-up shirts, when most of the time it's just very knowledgeable and supportive metal nerds merely lacking our fashion, the kind that spend tons of dough on deluxe vinyl editions of metal records, know almost as much, if not as much as WE do, and just happen to be into alternative rock and many other genres JUST LIKE A LOT OF US! These are not the same activist, laughably golf-clothes-clad, Apple-geeks that spend their days dissing everything from their favorite seat at Starbucks. It's OTHERS that have called them "hipster metal", and not for their beards or Goodwill attire. But, like me, they will attend a nice acoustic show over a cup of coffee here and there, enjoy poetry, and have the intelligence to read a book or two. Not all of us are Pantera-bruisers that think "if it ain't heavy it ain't shit!" or total "kvlt" wannabe murderers either. Just like Panopticon, who some "trve kvlt" black metallers pick on, some of us black metal musicians in the USA appreciate OUR folk. That has a lot to do with it. People are starting to confuse hipsters with those that use a little Americana. I AM from the US of A, and that can't change. If you tell me I can no longer make MY black metal because I ADORE Panopticon's "Kentucky" album, I'll give you a middle finger up your nose and into your brain until my fist comes out all soaked in blood and brains. USBM is NOT even close to the mainstream mallcore movement that buys so heavily into the sheepish and politically correct (but disguised as supposed rebellious kids...pfft) posterboi "scene". And their Republican dick parents fund their instruments, ohhhh so proudly (see more about this toward the end of this seizure of an article)!!! And if by now you think when I say "core kids" I'm talking about fans of Black Flag or even crust punk like Amebix, you're sorely mistaken. That shit's real and legit. And these fuckers don't know that stuff either, just like they don't know how to play past the 3rd fret of their guitars. The ones I hate don't support actual hardcore, just like they don't support actual metal.
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The mainstream media and consumers like to have a safer version of a scarier taboo so they can dip half a big-toe into it without getting bit by an evil sea monster. This is traced back to corporations, to marketing, to greed, to CONTROL. "Hipsters", as you call the fans who just so happen to be able to play instruments, and happen to love extreme metal along with their Sufjan Stevens records (hey, he sings about serial killers, and is fine by me), are actually metal's "hipPIES" in this day and age. They aren't as interested as artists like myself who still wear the paint, spikes, and show off weapons in their photo shoots. I might do that for promo-shoots, but they don't. Again...so what? They just get up, have coffee, and record a ripping black or death metal track or two in their home studio, and focus on the music. They're more laid back than us militants, and I respect that. Lots of scenes have certain individuals that could be considered that scene's hipsters. But at least these minnows (like Myrkur, Deafheaven, Locrian, Barbelith, etc.) that are swimming around the big sea monster jolt up to the surface when you throw them some real metal. Because they love the stuff. They attend shows. They'll review it, too. And of all those reviews we've read and learned from all these years, even before this bearded day and age - a good portion of the ones writing would be someone the collective "True Metal" longhairs would call a "hipster" if their style, or lack thereof, were analyzed. If those oh-so-nerdy ones that so many learned from picked up an instrument, and god forbid RELEASED an album, they're sure to be cruelly scrutinized today. Well, not by myself. I'm not buying into the "I'm so desperate to stay relevant that I'm gonna rip on anyone that doesn't look like Gaahl" bullshit. I'm more confident than that.
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We all know who the real fucking cancers are, and they're wearing wife-beaters with oversized sports-shorts, covering classic metal songs with jock shouts, letting the "scene" think metal's getting "fixed" when it's just getting neutered...while these jockcore and emo-mall-"metal" fags not only don't like metal and don't support it, they diss it every chance they get like it's outdated "dad rock" (I've heard this many, many more times from these streetrat frisbee-eared cunts than I've EVER had an unpleasant metal convo with a Deafheaven fan - I promise!). This all boiled over big time when I saw how many idiots were sounding off on Stone Sour's cover of Metal Church's "The Dark", showing without a shadow of a doubt that this new scene is in fact a REAL problem, an illness on the whole of entertainment...A CANCER. Go ahead, find the Youtube video. You'll see how much kids and wannabe young adults respect the literal nuances of heavy music, metal in particular. THEY DON'T. This is classic history repeating itself. Only grunge didn't actively try and take the place of legitimate metal and pretend they were the evolved version. Glam was a bit of a misunderstanding for the general public, but they never tried to kick Maiden out of office. People knew that fluffy stuff was the mainstream silver-spoon version, and Metallica were still saviors at the time.
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I hate people thinking I'm a dickhead that will ONLY listen to old Mortuary Drape while calling Panopticon "pussy natureboy crap" just as much as I don't want people assuming I mean Asking Alexandria when I say the word "metal". THOSE kinds of metalheads REALLY get my goat (as it were) for making me out to be something I'm not when I own almost 3000 albums in various formats, 75% of them being honest-to-goodness metal. But my 25 years of service and primal dedication to barbaric shit like Beherit and Morbid Angel mean nothing to certain "entitled" metal jerks that might have been metalheads for half the lifespan I've been or LESS...all they gotta do is find out I love Locrian or Horseback. Well, fuck YOU. I'll have you know I was listening to Carcass before some of you were born. I found my home-genre (black metal) in my early teens, basically WHILE all the craziness in Norway was going down. I've spent an all night party as a VIP (because of my former band's status at the time) getting drunk with Incantation featuring Vincent Crowley (yes, REVEREND Vincent Crowley) and talking classic metal and theology till nearly dawn. Partied with Monstrosity 'till nearly sunrise 3 times (because , among other local greats, we opened for them, a got along with them). Shared the bill with Sweden's The Crown in the small bracket of time Tompa fuckin' LINDBERG was with them! Geez...That's just a fraction...and I sound like an arrogant fucking braggart right about now. And that usually annoys me when people do that. But it's to the point to where I want some of these goddamn CHILDREN to know their fucking place. And it's to the point where you gotta show yours. But it shouldn't have to be this way in our FAMILY!
Go ahead. Give some wigger-ass Attila bullshit a spin (the sorry excuse for a band, NOT the legendary genius of a Hungarian black metal vocalist known for fronting Norwegian black metal [un]gods, Mayhem), or some Chelsea Grin or Emmure hogwash that trashy wannabe wiggers - or even the trashier of the people whom said "wiggers" are emulating, themselves* (and please see post-article disclaimer before getting all PC Police on me for that last part) would love to bounce their cars up and down to. Then listen to any song by Agalloch, Panopticon, or A Pregnant Light and tell me what is passionate, otherworldly, artistic, and masterfully-composed in comparison. And that's coming from a guy who'd rather listen to Blasphemy than Agalloch. Once again - bands like the latter still live and breathe METAL, and like a lot of us with mature mindsets, just happen to have some outside influence. Metal's been doing it with classical for almost it's whole incarnation, and folk for not too much less. BUT....BBUUUUTTTT - those "core kid" THIEVES are KNOWN for throwing horns, calling themselves metal bigshots, and making FUN of classic metal at the same time by calling it "gay" (as if that's an insult in 2015?!), or trashing classic black metal by calling the artists "stupid panda bears", or saying death metal is weak because the growls aren't shouted hard enough (aka, not sounding like a pissed off gangsta rapper with constipation). Oh, and since I'm nearing conclusion here, there's more. Something I hinted at, but wanna say flat-out. And I won't elaborate, but plant the seed.
Ready? The problem is worse here in The US of A because there is a governmental link...it's just that the kids don't know it. I'm going to leave it vague for reasons I feel aren't so vague. So...There, I said it. "Whatshisname from that Shadowlit-somethin' webpage is a conspiracy theorist!" Okay. Fine. If that's what you wanna think. But look as deep as I have, write your 3000-word rant (this one's well over that) about how I'm completely wrong and get back to me.
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Do your part. Go buy the new Iron Maiden, the new Goat Torment or Adversarial, find a classic Satan or Cloven Hoof release, a vinyl reissue of your favorite 90s death metal band...maybe an old first-press of a Satyricon album, as well (if you have $100), AND THEN throw "M" or "New Bermuda" into the basket, too. I know the rebellious and undoubtedly METAL part of me that says to NOT GIVE A FUCK makes me wanna check out more stuff by bands that these poser "we're more krieg than you" 20-somethings would call "hipster metal", just so I can maybe become more of a fan, wear a shirt or two, and CRUSH those pricks if they oppose me for it... I DON'T NEED OR WANT THEIR APPROVAL. But I will NOT stand for being likened to a "core kid sympathizer" because I think picking on a lovely gal like Myrkur is wussily insecure and bullyish. Nor do I think it's a good idea to start bashing expansively gifted newer bands for having beards, since a lot of them might have as much - if not more - knowledge of our beloved genre as we do. So, support metal, smash those that don't support it yet sacrilegiously claim it...smash those fuckers like bugs. I'm just saying...quit being confined. That's not fucking metal AT. ALL. GOD. DAMMIT.
10/10/15
Tristus Scriptor
DISCLAIMER and post-edit:
*I don't condone racism, but despise the fools that help people FEEL or even BE racist by perpetuating the stereotypes of their race's worst citizens.
(Post Edit: I am also pro-LGBT, and use the word "fag" in the same insulting way that many gay friends I've had use it. That is, when they weren't using it as a term of endearment. And that is surprisingly often, I've noticed.)
And, furthermore, if you don't like my "blasphemy", goddammit...well...just fuck off.